Chaos in the Chateau

Did you see it? DID YOU SEE IT?
I can't believe it is not an elaborate spoof. It is the funniest programme I have seen for years and Ann the lady owner is a comic genius without knowing it. I haven't laughed as much at anything since the original Fawlty Towers.
If it really is real, I have every intention of going to stay there.

Worse off AGAIN

I hadn't thought about it but the 2p off income tax means that less money will go into your pension. Presently, if you pay £100 into your pension, the Treasury tops it up to approx. £128. NOW, if you pay £100 in, it will - hey presto - only be approx. £125.50. So in case that is too difficult to understand, it means that the Treasury is paying out about £3billion LESS each year ie it is a £3billion tax INCREASE.
I'm leaving.

Everybody's Doing it....

... picking their nose, chewing it.
Words old Kinglear used to sing when he'd had a few. I think the first part came from a real song and the latter part from his somewhat fevered mind.
YouTube and Guido have an excellent clip of Bliar speaking yesterday, with GB behind him, picking his nose several times, eating it and then wiping his finger on his tie.
Now Mrs.Lear would be the last person to suggest that I never pick my nose. She does insist, however, that I do it in private.
I do try.

I'm DEFINITELY worse off

I've just spent an hour with a calculator, a sliderule, a set of log tables a wad of paper and a pen.
This year, I am £30.82 per month wrose off.
Next year it looks like £50.16, and the year after £70.67.
Now this does not take into account the potential rise in council tax ( it's heavy in Scotland). If you take inflation into account I will be yet another £100 per month worse off in 2009.
It's time I left.

Better off? I don't think so.

Do you think you will be better off as a result of Gordon Brown's last Budget as Chancellor?
The results:
Yes - 9%
No - 91%
Results from This is money.
I don't think the con has worked.

From Iain Dale's Diary

Brown is such a lair. Iain Dale posted this. Even Brown had to admit on BBC Breakfast show that it was a neutral budget. It might be this year, but it takes more in next year and even more the year after. Shyster.

Brown has made much of the increase of £150 in child tax credit and £1200in the maximum income before the working tax credit starts toget withdrawn. But have a look on Annex A Page 8 of 32 bottom of page paragraph A14 (page 212 of whole document) "A.14 From 6th April 2008, the rate at which tax credits are withdrawn will increase from 37 per cent to 39 per cent."In otherwords, if you are on tax credits the cut in income tax from 22 to 20% iscancelled by the increase in tax credit withdrawal from 37 to 39%, plus you getthe increase from 10-20% with the starting rate abolition.The increase in child tax credit by £150 if you have children helps and the rasingof start of withdrawal from £5220 to £6420 also offsets the rises to the extentthat the very low paid are a little better off, but this is no giveawayfor the low paid. They are still taxed at 70% for every extra pound they earn(20% income tax, 11% national insurance, 39% tax credit withdrawal).

Wife in the North

Phew! She's back home. Thank goodness she didn't top herself.

THAT Budget.

Its brilliant! He steals a headline ( Basic rate cut by 2p) BUT screws everybody.. The Youngest Miss Lear phoned in great excitement to tell me that he must be a brilliant politician, but, basically, we were all screwed. The Eldest Miss Lear emailed to say whatever happened she would be paying more tax. Middle Miss Lear said Eldest Miss Lear earned too much money anyway and deserved it.
But seriously, especially if you are on a low salary, you will pay more. You WILL become more dependant on the State. You WILL not be able to save or do overtime or move up the social scale because you WILL pay 70% on your incremental earnings.
It's the worst possible sort of gerrymandering and will create even more of an immobile and hopeless underclass.
Like I said, it's brilliant.

Wife in the North - and Tapestry Talks

I am very worried about Wife in the North. No sign of her return, and she permanently appears to be down in the dumps. Even the £70k she is getting for her blog-book doesn't appear to have cheered her up. No wonder her husband spends time away.
And what about Tapestry Talks? No word since 9th January. Most worrying.

The 300

Yes well, I was BAFTAing last night to see the 300. It's complete drivel. Badly acted, dreadful script, awful accents. Body count into the tens of thousands, including rhinocerous and elephants.
"Sigh" and it should have been good. The story is, after all, one of the great heroic pages of history, and the producers and director have form as making decent films.
What really annoyed me was that Leonides, King of Sparta ( Greece don't you know) kept slipping into a Glasgow burr, which somewhat ruined the dramatic moments. The fight scenes were good, though I could have done with less blood all over the place, and they became a bit repetitive.
Next week should be good, though - " Days of Glory". Its about North African soldiers making their way through Italy and France during WWII. A sort of Afro-French " Band of Brothers". My French correspondents all say it is "superbe!!". But then, the French say that about ALL French films.

A Modern Morality Tale

I know I'm a boring old whatsit, but I was taken aback by the following - although I don't suppose I should be really.
A friend of mine, Mr. Executive, married a younger woman some 18 years ago. He had been busy earning money and building a business during difficult times, so perhaps did not pay as much attention to Mrs.Executive as he should. Needless to say, she found comfort in the arms of another man - after 3 children - who just happened to be Mr.Executive's best friend. The two of them waltzed off, taking a large slice of Mr.E's loot. They marry.
Mr. E was somewhat shattered, but about 3 years later found a kindly gentle soul to live with and marry.
Roll on about 8 years. Mrs.E and Mr.Best Friend have 2 children. But Mrs. E is now 40. So Mr.BF changes her for a younger model ( 28) even although Mr. BF is 49. And guess what? Mr.BF doesn't have any money. So HE waltzes off with most of Mrs. exExecutives dosh which was my friend's to start with.
And my friend, who was pretty innocent in all this, is now being sued by Mrs.exExecutive for more money, and is liable to get it too. Effectively my friend is supporting 3 families, all because he is the only one with any money. As he so cogently put it :" I'd be better off going bankrupt. At least the ******** wouldn't get any more money"

The Pigeon ( continued)

It was in a box. Two policemen drove it to Lugton about 25 minutes away, and left it in an animal sanctuary there. It was let out of the box and flew away.

That ICM poll and Brown

I was talking today to a Tory Councillor ( in the south needless to say) who is about to go to Cambridge to be interviewed as a potential Parliamentary candidate.
I have known him a long time, and have never known him to make a mistake in his political judgement.
He says Bliar will go 1st or 2nd May, completely overshadowing the elections ( clever move eh?) Brown will give away masses of stuff and call an election in October.
Tories absolute majority, LibDems under 20 seats - game over.
Or Brown will wait until 2010 and be completely wiped out.

Pleasing to Man

The anagram is Leamington Spa. Rather like the correctness of the sentiment.

I don't believe it.

We are taking down a derelict building beside one of our other properties. It isn't big, in fact its only one floor, entirely within our own ownership and within an area we own in its entirety. We've done all the right things ( building warrant etc etc).
A pigeon came and nested in the rafters. One of the tenants in the next door building said we were to look after the pigeon. We did. We carefully put it in a box and gave it to her.
So she 'phoned the RSPCA. Who called the police. Who have been here for more than an hour whilst everyone stands around wondering what to do. Which includes the Police and the RSPCA.
It's a pigeon, not a great crested whatever in danger of extinction.
They shoot pigeons, don't they?

Mine and Thine

I've just spent the best part of two days in London, in an underground bunker, trying to sort out a business in which I have an investment. Actually, that's not strictly true. I spent two days and most of two nights doing it.
The problem is a simple one. The guy who runs the business ( Mr. Interweb) is a brilliant IT and Interwebthingy bloke, but really rubbish at admin and recording things. So although lots of cash had come in, and not all of it gone out, there was no tie up between the figures. It was further complicated by the fact that he was due 25% for his expenses, and he took the 25% from the top line, rather than the cash received.
But it was all amicably sorted. He at least knew he was making a mess, and had the guts to ask for help. How many others in a similar situation would do this? People are too afraid nowadays about covering their backsides, when a simply " Sorry, I screwed up" would both enhance the perpetrators reputation for honestly, and cost less in the long run to sort out.
In the long run, this could be a highly profitable business, but at the moemnt its scale is too small for the overhead.
But its growing.
Anagram of the day: PLEASING TO MAN
Answer tomorrow. It was in the Telegraph Crossword on Friday, and - a clue - if I hadn't lived nearby I would never have got it.

Scottish Skiing is Hopeless

This is not my opinion but the opinion of a Swiss ski instructor. He was, however, referring to a period some years ago.
But his remark did remind me of the time a relative ( well not really related at all - wife's step-mother's new husband) began skiing. This was before WWII. You bought the skiis and bindings and had to fit them yourself. And the skis were about 3 feet taller than you were.
Anyway, Mr.Relative bought and sorted his skis, then headed for the hills with some pals. They drove until they found a gentle slope, beautifully covered with virgin snow. They got out of the car and Mr. Relative duly strapped on the skis. He set off most gracefully, with a magnificent hissss and swish, and reached the bottom of the slope, and came to a halt just as it began to turn upwards once more. Great shouts from his friends looking on.
And with that, it all came to a sticky end. The white stuff he was standing on started to move, and at an ever increasing speed. Judging discretion to be the better part of valour, he threw himself sideways, only to continue in the same direction. Shortly thereafter, the white stuff opened up - and unceremoniously dumped him on the hillside.
He had skied onto the backs of some sheep, minding their own business under the snow, in a sheltered spot.
I regret to say this can still happen.

God and the Easter Egg die.

Many years ago, when the Ms. Lears were very small, one of them spilled all the easter egg die over her bedroom carpet. Being a tidy wee soul, she promptly got a wet sponge and tried to clear it up, with what can only be described as gloriously disastrous results. When upbraided by Mrs. Lear, the wee soul said that " Maybe God would magic it away."
Quote " Unless ye have faith as little children..."
I won't go on as this is not really a religious post. It has to do with belief - which can be in lots of different things ( fairies, Jedi, God etc.).
Unless we really believe that something is possible, it won't happen. Half-hearted attempts at projects never work. It is principle and belief that make things happen.
Which is why - now that even Gordon Brown has changed his mind about Trident - NuLabour is destined for the dung heap of history. If you can't have a belief you don't deserve the power to make a difference.

Wrinkles don't hurt.

Start of a quotation from an extremely smiley middle-aged lady - which goes on..." just all the bits underneath them"

One shoe syndrome

I am permanently astonished at the number of single shoes that appear all over the place. I came across one this morning in the yard of our offices. One shoe. A lady's shoe. Quite well made and relatively new. Our yard is locked at night. Noone could have got in, except by climbing over a thirty foot wall and across a railway line.
The only other alternative is that somebody was extremely cross about something, and hurled it over the wall and into the yard. They would have to have been extremely cross. Perhaps a girl with her boyfriend. Or the boyfriend with the girl. Or a drunk girl with herself.
The single shoes do appear everywhere though. I came across one in the carpark at Edinburgh Airport on Friday.
I keep looking for a one-legged person.

Chatten Flirten und Texten

This was the headline on a billboard I passed in Switzerland on Saturday.
In case you don't speak German, it says " Chart, Flirt and Text".
The internet and the mobile has finally made the world English.

Holyrood

I drove past our wonderful Parliament building this afternoon.
It looks not a lot from the cramped up-close view one gets. It certainly does not have the presence of Holyrood Palace across the way, set in a vista, and with a solid presence.
The Scottish Parliament building, on the other hand, looks now rather like a rather drab Swiss concrete 1960's building with some odd bits stuck on to bring it into the 90s.
And it's getting very grubby. But then, we are talking Edinburgh.
A Godfather of mine, a career diplomat, was asked, many years ago, about the Cities he had stayed in. The talk got around to dirt and grubbiness..
"The two dirtiest cities I know are Edinburgh and Hanchow", he averred. " But then, Hanchow does have a 5000 year start"

Labour and how not to make things work

I had dinner this evening with an executive who, two years ago, was seconded to the Office of Deputy Prime Minister.
You may ask why. Simple. Prescott and his office had a budget of £500,000,000 ( yes that's half a billion) for some daft project, due to last three years. But after TWO years, they had still not decided what to do to get "value" for the taxpayer. So my friend was brought in to give guidance and get the ball rolling. He spent six months sitting in endless, boring meetings, were nothing was decided, except the date of the next sub-committee meeting. Noone would take a lead, make a definitive suggestion, or even take up any of the ideas put forward by the massed ranks of consultants called in to produce report after report.
At the end of his six months ( 2.5 years into the project) some £150million had been spent, with nothing at all to show for it, apart from ever growing piles of mouldering paper.
Sound familiar? Well, the NHS has suffered from the same thing - except they wasted even more money by implementing the changes, again and again and again so that - surprise - we are actually back to where it all started in 1997. So that's not just £150million, it's something like £36 BILLION wasted. And er, we are back where we started because, er, well it worked better than anything else we suggested, only now we are making it even better by er a) getting rid of nurses b) doctors etc etc.
It's the same with every other department. Labour actually has no ideas, and never had. As I've said before - no principles and therefore no worthwhile action.
Just the wrong action.

Education for Young Black Men

This is a little late I know, but I have been busy.
Some committee funded by us, the taxpayers, has announced that Young Black Men are falling prey to the "instituional " racism of schools.This is because some 12% of the School population of Young Black Man ( YBM in future - its boring typing it again and again) are regularly excluded, whilst similar Whites are onlt 5%, whilst for Asians its less than 1%.
I don't know that many young people at school, but I DO know that Asian families stay together. I also know that, according to national police statistics, 70% of all muggings are perpetrated by YBMs. And I also know that the Black ( Afro-Carribean) communities suffer the highest percentage of single parent families and absconding fathers.
Just in case you don't get it, because their fathers are not around, the YBMs have less chance of being guided as they grow up, and , accordingly, less control and discipline.
So please don't insult our intelligence by suggesting that the schools are "subconsciously" anti-black. They are not. The YBMs behave badly. They get excluded and deserve it. What we SHOULD be doing is NOT issuing platitudinous rubbish, and try to teach them about fatherhood and responsibility.

Ming again and the Populus poll

If anyone has looked at Political Betting today, they will note that the Conservative vopte is given as is the Labour, but the LibDems are given as ??. The same applies to the leadership question. How appropriate.
Why would you vote LibDem when you can have Dave, and you voted Conservative until the sainted Bliar? And you only voted for him because you thought he was a LibDem anyway? Dave, on the other hand clearly IS a LibDem....
The other thing that does now seem to be sinking in to the population in general is that a) we are overtaxed b) the taxes aren't making things better and c) er, there's sunfink going on about peerages and money or sunfink in Landan.
You bet.

Ming , PR, and the coalition

I always knew he was mad. He might be trying to be clever over the Scottish Elections in May, but forget under 40 seats next time - he's fast heading for less than 20.

Fire Drill

Back home now, but no thanks to various hotel staff who have THREE TIMES in the last three days tried to incinerate me. Fortunately, in each case, it was merely an over-enthusiastic sensor. Once set of f by smoker in the wrong place, once by steam from the bathroom, and finally, at 2am this morning, by the girl on the desk ( first and almost certainly last night in charge) making herself toast.
The other people this morning were most ineresting. Everyone had managed to dress ( or didn't want to sleep in the beds UN-dressed) and were remarkably cheery. Nearly eveyone sympathised with the poor girl, who was in floods of tears. Apart from one niggly bastard, who immediately demanded a refund - and no it wasn't me or Mrs. Lear.
I may say when I went to check out this morning the room rate was already off the bill, so hats off to Premier Travel Inns.

Any offers?

I was talking with the Mihai Eminisceau Trust yesterday about a wonderful Manor House they are looking to rent out over the summer in Romania.
It sleeps up to 9 and is a truly magnificent building,set in the last truly ecological area of Europe. It does not have a swimming pool, but the area is rich in heritage and the horse riding, walking, and Unesco World Heritage sites in the area are fantastic.
They are wondering what to charge for it on a weekly basis. Any suggestions?

Iain Dale on Cheney

Brilliant line on Dale's Diary today.
" No Country ever got rich on taxation."
Somebody should high-jack it over here.

Excitement In the Smoke

Down in London for a trade show this weekend. Drove down yesterday without any hassle, and made all the appointments for late in the day. I am permanently astonished at how cars and vans stop at pedestrian crosssings. In Glasgow people don't use crossings, and noone stops for you anyway.
What has interested me this time is that the people I am meeting ( OK I know they are probably more politically connected than your average voter) appear to be in a state of genuine excitement. This is in distinct contrast to the last time I was down less than a month ago, where it all seemed quite dull. Maybe it is the fact that people are now declaring they will stand as Deputy Leader, and maybe it is because the " Electoral Calculus" is moving Dave's way. The Clarke road show - despite being a showcase for a debate -showed just how bereft of any ideas NuLabour is. Beyond trying to retain their seats of course.
And the title for this blog is of course completely wrong. London is no longer " The Smoke". Perhaps the greatest achievements of Government are not connected with equality, education etc etc. Perhaps the difference between the London of my childhood and now is the greatest legacy of Government.
It was a Tory one of course.

Lib Dems and a hung Parliament

In case you missed it, Ming the not-very-merciless has ( as a celebration of the first year of his leadership) appointed a minion to look at forming pacts with other parties if there is a hung Parliament. As others say elsewhere today, this opens a gigantic Pandora's box.
It also shows that ( as I postulated yesterday) the next election is over. Ming is looking backwards, rather than forwards, and will get completely trampled in the exit from LibDem voters.

Electoral Calculus

I'm not sure Political Betting has got the right word here - Calculus was a branch of mathematics that seemed to me to have little relevance to very much. I'm sure someone will correct me.
However, I think it should probably be "Calculation".
This is all because of the most recent polls, giving Dave an actual majority when the election comes.
I have been saying for some time that the Tories would have an overall majority of more than 40, and the LibDems would be back down below 40 seats. On the present poll, it looks like below 20, never mind 40.
I have also predicted NuLabour will effectively disappear and we will be back to Old Labour with a friendly grin ( can't see Gordon being able to do that, can you?) and the LibDems moving further left.
What is quite clear is that Gordon is going to do his damnedest to bowl Dave over, assuming he gets the nod when Bliar goes. As his recent intervention in promulagating the 2016 World Cp shows, people just don't believe or like him. So my bet is, if Gordon faces Dave at the Despatch Box, even more people in this country will NOT vote for him.
There may be ups and downs between now and whenever, but the next election is effectively over.

Donkey

Just so you know how sad I am, I was watching a repeat of Rosemary and Thyme last night. Pam Ferries had bought donkey cards for Christmas ( despite the countryside looking about September) and when Felicit Kendal went to buy another Christmas present for her, she refused all connections with donkeys ( donkey bag, donkey mouse mat, donkey mouse, donkey purse) and was finally offered two well bound volumes.
" What kind of donkey is that?" she asked.
" Donkey Hotey." ( Don Quixote, geddit??)

Transylvania again

I am a very superstitious but only because my mother was very fey, and continually pointed out the future.
I think superstition occurs when the same random event happens frequency in a certain order, so that people start associating certain things. For example, I am extremely weird ( ok,ok, I know) about finding money: if I find a coin somewhere that is a sign.
So imagine my delight when I found a 10 cent coin in a property I was looking at in Floresti.
This is worth all of 2p.
I only need another 4,999,999 to buy the place.

Churchill and the Labour Party

There is clearly something going on.
Gordon Brown, Tony Bliar and now John Reid tell us he is one of their heroes.
This smells to me like a truly cynical ploy. By association, Labour are trying to say, hey, we are really conservatives. Er no, you are control freak, economy,pension fund, liberty destroying,
lying bastards.

Transylvania

I am sitting in an internet cafe in Sigishoara, having had THE most fantastic day. One of the particularly nice things is that noone here seems to know the first thing about business and I have become a combined business guru and mascot that appears to open all sorts of doors that have previously been closed. Thoroughly undeserved I'm sure, but it is really nice to have people making appointments NOW for when I am next back.
The main point about this area is that it is a Saxon area, with about 200 villages. The Saxons came here from Germany 8 or 900 years ago, at the behest of the Holy Roman Emperor, to provide security for the southern edges of his lands.The houses are unimaginatively beautiful, as are the villages, churches and locations themselves, but under Ceaucescu they were depopulated and devastated. The Mihai Eminescu Trust has been working for 15 years to save these villages and provide sustainable development. They just might be getting to the corner that is marked "turning the".
This is only my second time in the area, but every one of the ideas and business possibilities that were discussed then have been taken to at least the next step, if not the one after that, and even the things I was told then were impossible have somehow become possible, as people are falling over themselves to outdo each other in the services & products on offer to the wider world and to their own citizens.
One of the most interesting conversations today was with an eco-economic professor on CO2 emissions and combatting them. Apparently, miles and miles of forest are not as good at converting the CO2 as a bio-diverse agriculture, including prairie, different trees, different animals and the regular growing season. Transylvania has the possibility to become the Lungs of Europe.In a weird way, the EUs set-aside programme, forced on them by production, may actually be a really good idea.
From people looking for handouts for their business proposition, it would appear that within a very short space of time they have got the idea that what they have to offer has to be saleable at a fair price, make a REAL profit, and provide funds for further expansion. 6 months ago, the trust was being inundated with people wanting a sub for this or that. Within that period - and I like to think slightly because of my prodding them - they have managed to get the sustainability message across. There are now real businesses coming forward with real potential that don't require handouts, and which will be the basis of the economy for the area and its inhabitants for a very long time.
The other really nice thing was meeting an actor called David Mallinson, he who played O'Donnell in the original This Life. Delightful man full of wonderful stories. One of the Ms. Lears asked if he was out saving trees, too. I think the answer is yes.

Chinese films & Glasgow Tories

I went, with my BAFTA hat, to see a Chinese film last night called something about "Golden" I know this is a bit vague, but that was roughly my feeling about the film. I have seen quite a few over the years, and apart from them all having unhappy endings ( I do like a nice happy ending) they are usually extremely good "fun" in a martial arts sort of way. This was no exception, but the body count was so great and the general air of betrayal so intense that I found it hard to concentrate on what was admittedly a pretty thin story. General advice: steer clear of Chinese films unless you want a good cry.
And what about the Glasgow Tories? Mrs. Lear helps out from time to time, and she reports they are in good heart. They have at least one extremely good candidate for the Scottish Parliamentary elections, and a further three who are quite good. I wouldn't be surprised if there are rather more Tories at Holyrood than most people are betting, especially as , at least in Glasgow, the concentration is on specific local issues.
I am off to Romania again for a couple of days. The temperature is much lower than it was in January by about 15 degrees celsius, so I am taking my woolly boots. The concensus around here is I am bonkers, as all they remember is the Romanian Orphans ( still a problem in major centres), although it is slowly improving.
I just love where I am doing some work, which is around Sigishoara, itself a World Heritage site. Within a twenty kilometre radius there are about another 40. It would be an ideal area for people needing peace and quiet, especially eg authors trying to write a book. However, I had lunch with a friend , Mr. Retired Civil Engineer, yesterday, and his view was that I was going for the legacy option. He was very dubious and mistrustful of this, as he said I was in danger of " getting " principles. He regarded that as most dangerous, and claimed he had never had any that required him NOT to compromise. He also told me he had had some sort of tax investigation and subsequently received a letter saying he did not need to submit a tax return any more.
Either his means are considerably less than I think or he needs new reading glasses.

Not necessarily good for the Tories

I have a thing about being 57 - I hasten to add I have made it past this fateful year of life. I do, however, know many people who have managed to pop their clogs between 56 and 58, and noticed even more in the papers.
I am led to believe if a man makes it past 58, in general terms, he is a pretty good bet to make it into his 70s, and if past 72, he is usually good for a few years more. Apparently, the overall shift to people dying at an older age has not altered this strange blip in the mortality rates.
Gordon Brown is 56 today.
The Tories definitely want him to become leader and survive.

" Doing something worthwhile with my life"

I can hardly believe Bliar said this. So being Prime Minister of Great Britain is not worthwhile?

Why I LOVE ( one) Architect.

Amongst my many charitable works, the Mihai Eminescu Trust in Romania ranks high at the moment. In case you don't know they are saving areas in Romania that Ceaucesciu devastated, and very lovely it is beginning to look. It's in Transylvania, and you may have seen my recent post about how much I liked it.
Jessica, the boss lady, asked me if I knew anyone who could copy OS maps, and I said I did, expecting to have to pay to get 20 copies of each done.
So imagine my delight when I asked Nindy ( who has been somewhat pissing me off) to copy the maps, and he said he would do it for free.
If you would like Nindy's address, leave a comment with your email and I will send it to you.

How to have a legacy and have a position in history.

Well of course everyone HAS a position in history, however small a dot it might be. But I am of course talking about Bliar.
Three things impinged on me this morning.
The first was a survey showing that the South East, East etc contribute INTO the tax pot. As you move North, this progressively diminishes. Thus East Midlands ( net WITHDRAWAL)takes out slightly less than the Midlands, which takes out less than North West, which takes out less than North East etc etc. The two biggest drawers out are Northern Ireland, right at the top - or the bottom - who withdraw something like £3200 pa per person, and Wales, with about £2500. Does this ring some kind of bell? The more you give people the less likely they are to sign up to conservative principles - and it creates a great client base who are not going to shoot themsleves in the foot. I know NI is not split along Tory/NuLabour lines, but to be fair the MPs from NI are irrelevant most of the time in terms of Westminster. So Tony's first legacy is to have created a state which is dependant on handouts rather than enterprise.
The second thing is Bliar's Marr interview - "Under 21s will for the first time be liable to mandatory prison sentences for gun crime" Er excpet it's not true. In 2003 a law was passed which meant over 18s could be mandatorily jailed for possession of a gun. Except, because the time for drafting bills has fallen from 18 months to 6 weeks, and debate in Parliament to nil - and anyway most of it is done on the sofa as orders in council - it means that jailing someone under 21 for this particular problem is effectively unenforceable. And the suspension of the "sus" laws mean all these people are now openly wandering around with guns ,knives and whatnot, with effectively no check on them.
So the second part of Bliar's legacy is a raft of badly drafted, uneforceable laws that will take years to sort out. In all probability, the best option is to repeal whole chunks of it and replace it with properly thought through laws.
Finally, there is a story in the papers today about Oban and its new "Western hub" airport. The local authority has spent millions upgrading Oban's " airport". Except noone wants to fly there. A wonderful metaphor for all the IT programmes, failed infrastructure PFI contracts etc etc. So Bliar's third legacy is going to be billions wasted in non-operational systems, institutions and projects, whilst we also end up with non-functioning armed forces. And, as an add on, massively overtaxed citizens.
Great legacy. Great place in history.

What's British?

I've actually no idea, but I do know a couple of things I regard as relevant.
The first is slow to anger, but devastating when roused. This is slightly at odds with the Scots, Welsh and Irish, who tend to be both quick to anger, and also devastating when roused. One only has to think of the Irish on day one of the Somme, who were the only regiment to take their objective, but then had to fall back through lack of support on their flanks. The British as a whole are now surely angered by Bliar and his henchmen
The second is a belief in British superiority, despite any evidence to the contrary. It was only Mrs. Thatcher's period in office that gave us this belief once more. Notably, Bliar has managed to dent this again, by a pangloss of lies, and soundbites.
The third is a general suspicion of " foreigners". All societies are suspicious of incomers, even down to the idyllic small village. Let the new person EARN people's respect. The British have generally excerised caution until this present Government when the now discredited multiculturialsim was too eagerly embraced. Caution and restraint would have served us better, and a requirement of assimilation. Cobbet Rides Again argues forcefully for this today.
Finally, fairness. The Britsh, known for a stiff upper lip, standoffishness and so on have always been utterly determined on fairness - taking the part of the underdog comes naturally to a Briton. The best argument in any situation in Britain is to describe something as " unfair" to get everyone on your side immediately. Bliar has turned even this on its head. Whether it be education, where social mobility is no longer posssible because of his policies; the armed forces having to beg borrow and steal equipment ( tellingly, Bliar refused to go into the Combined Cadet Force at Fettes - one of the reasons people from that school are known as Fets Wets);the NHS which is now not renewing contracts of overseas Doctors, Nurses etc, under the fig leaf that there are enough new British trained interns coming forward ( I'm willing to bet this is a stealth cut as opposed to a stealth tax); to the tax system, which is trumpeted as green when it manifestly isn't ( more road tax, but even more expensive trains and buses); to the new council taxes, which will take into account if you live near the shops or schools, in a nice area; the list goes on.
Personally, I am utterly disgusted with what a bunch of Scottish miscreants have done, not only to Britain, but to the Union, and even to the Labour Party itself. The Sunday Telegraph had a very good article today describing just how duff a PM Bliar has been.The Labour Party used to stand for something ( whether you agreed with it or not). Now, I don't believe anyone could actually say what NuLabour is for - apart from self perpetuation.
And to cap it all, Andrew Marr, who is a Lorettonian and should know better, never even asked Bliar about the Cash for Peerages this morning. Marr has managed to lose all credibility as a political interviewer over the last few weeks, soft on Labour, spin on Tories, as opposed to impartial and correct.
Before everyone thinks I am jealous or fixated on Scottish Public Schools,and overproud of my own School ( Rugby), may I just remind you of Lord Peter Wimsey, when being interviewed in one of Dorothy Sayers books,was asked " School?". He replied " Yes", and was wearily asked " Which school?" " There is only one," he replied, " Eton". " Not at all," said the interviewer. " You might have been to Rugby, for instance". " Rugby? Good heavens, no. That isn't a school, it's a railway station."

Digging for Butterflies

I'm a bit of a paper/pen shop fetishist. I LOVE nicely bound writing pads, notebooks etc, and always carry a Smythson pad of that lovely extremely expensive blue paper with me. My present pad was sold to me by Samantha Cameron, but that's another story.I don't write that much in it ( too expensive) but if I want to retain something for a while I use it.
Whilst in Italy a few years ago I bought a very nice vellum notebook, beautifully bound, with the idea of setting things down in it that pertained to the family. I hadn't seen it for a while, but knew where it was, and duly dug it out last night. I also found with it a strange little book bought many many years ago in Montreux, and into which I put thoughts, ideas for stories and whole lists of anagrams of a variety of weirdness - and yes I am a crossword loony.
I have them in 4 categories: Appropriate,opposite,weird and consequence.As an example, "Arts seldom" is under approriate as it changes to " Old masters". Similarly " The war" goes to " Wreath". In the second and third group you find "Triip to CIA" becoming"Patriotic". Definitely in the third group is "Teacher" and "Cheater", whilst " Cruel MP" is the consequence of " Crumple".Now you see how weird I really am.
Some are truly magnificent - " Extra time" is "Taximeter", and " Night drugs please" is "Sleeping draught". Now I think about it, I might add one to each blog - I'd forgotten how good they were.
Anyway, this is all a bit of a preamble, because within this book are a number of items that I had put into my world famous best seller " Digging for Butterflies" I should explain it is only to be viewed by my family after I am gone in another 44 years.When I turned 50, Middle Miss Lear gave me a beautiful leather bound book with the title in gold block on the outside. It comes from a dog we had, which used to rootle about in the grass, ripping tufts with his teeth and throwing them in the air, scampering about and generally behaving a bit like a Mad March Hare. When I asked the dog's owner ( Miss Lear 2 who was quite small at the time) what her dog was doing, she replied " Oh, he's digging for Butterflies"
At the time, of course, I just thought this was a funny remark, but as I have grown older, I have come to realise how wise it was. There is a great truth in this saying, as well as wisdom and a signpost to life. Even though we knew the dog could never find a butterfly under the grass, it never stopped him being optimistic about it.He was also thinking laterally, and trying to do something never done before.What a lesson in life: Strive optimistically and with pleasure, and never be put off by setbacks and failure.
As a final thought for the day, one of the sayings I had jotted down, possibly as much as thirty years ago, was "The truth changes colour depending in the light". As we say in Glasgow, " Where's yer Bliar noo?"

Why I hate Architects & H & SE

1) When you ask them a question, they say they will have to check and get back to you.
2) When you as them the same question two days later, they say they will have tocheck and get back to you.
3) When you ask them on the Monday following, they say they will have to check and get back to you.
4) When you ask them on Wednesday, they say they will need a site meeting.
5) When you have the site meeting on Friday morning, they say they will have to check and get back to you.
6) So when you go ahead because you actually know the answer already, and the workers are starting to stand around doing nothing, they say you have to produce a drawing to show what you have done.
Er, I thought that's what architects did??

And as far as H & SE goes, their efforts do not actually produce one less death, accident or mistake anywhere in the world. It is merely an exercise in backside covering, so that when someone comes along and says, " This went wrong" you can say " Ah well, my paperwork is all in order and therefore I am not to blame."
The French dont have such a thing as H & SE. ( Nor, as far as I know does the rest of Europe)They have kept to the sensible position that if you as a person or a worker do something wrong or stupid, it's your own fault, and you take responsibility for it. In this country, of course, noone can fail and nothing is anybody's fault. What absolute bollocks. No wonder this country is in deep doodah.Arseholes.

From Devil's Kitchen

Devil's Kitchen always has factual analysis. This appeared today.

This is the full text of the Equality Act 2006. Section (52) titled "Public Authorities" says the following
(1) It is unlawful for a public authority exercising a function to do any act which constitutes discrimination.It then says,
(3)The prohibition in subsection (1) shall not apply to-
(a) the House of Commons,
(b) the House of Lords,
(c) the authorities of either House of Parliament,
(d) the Security Service,
(e) the Secret Intelligence Service,
(f) the Government Communications Headquarters, or
(g) a part of the armed forces of the Crown which is, in accordance with a requirement of the Secretary of State, assisting the Government Communications Headquarters.

So when all those politicians were banging on about how the Catholic Church could not possibly be exempt because equality from discrimination was universal and applied to everyone, what they actually meant was everyone except them.

Of course, this is no surprise ( after all, when you have been the beneficiary of free University education, you certainly don't want anyone else having it do you?) Human nature is immutable, and this Government is particularly bad at "Sorry"

Bit late I know, but....

Bliar is doing one of his hospital visits.
He goes into a ward.
"How are you today?" he asks the old man in the first bed.
"Wee sleekit cow'rin' tim'rous beastie," screams the man at him, so he moves on.
"And how are you?" he asks the second patient.
"Some hae meat but cannae eat!" yells this one.
"Hmm," says Bliar to the doctor. "Is this the psychiatric unit?"
"Naw - it's the Serious Burns Unit."
Boom! Boom!
I have a friend, Mr. Retired Civil Engineer, who lives next door to Burns' cottage in Alloway. He is less than pleased at the mega-money( many many millions) that has just been showered on the Bard's erstwhile home. During the summer, it is already impossible to visit them owing to the hoards visiting the cottage. Once turned into the "Burns Experience" ( Yech!), their lives will not be worth living.

Manners (2)

Today's Herald has an article about manners in various British cities. It will probably come as no great surprise, but Glasgow is the most polite city in Britain, well ahead of others, especially Edinburgh ( Where would we be without laughter? Answer: Edinburgh).

BAFTA & Dame Maggie Smith

Tuesday is BAFTA night, and I went to see "Becoming Jane" which is released in about a month's time. Quite a nice film, lacked a bit of pace and the script was a bit iffy, buit the acting was good. Maggie Smith played what one might describe as the Lady De Bourgh character from Pride and Prejudice. It was delightful. Her nuances and facial expression never failed to convey exactly what was meant. Quite by chance, I watched "Keeping Mum" last night, where she plays an axe murderer. Despite the difference in the parts, she conveyed the dottiness perfectly All justified by " What wouldn't a mother do for her daughter?".
I was reminded of her in the Peter Ustinov film " Hot Millions" where she played a diffident and incompetent secretary, who emerges as the heroine.
Julie Walters had the best line in tonight's film." Affection is desirable, but money is essential." If only everyone would behave with that in mind, I'm sure things would soon improve.

Bloody Glasgow Council

You may say I should not swear on a blog, but I can tell you the office was blue with naughty words this morning.
I spend most of my life dealing with Glasgow Council, between the planning department, the rates department, the housing benefit department, the cleansing department, the get a licence for a skip department etc etc.
Sherrif Officers ( better known as Bailifs in England) turned up, looking for rates for a property from 2000/2001.
We don't have rates to pay. We rent properties to people, who are then responsible for paying the rates. Even if they don't pay, we are still not liable. They are. The moment somebody goes into or out of a property, we send a note of who they are, their address and the relevant dates. The Council had lost all this correspondance.They put it onto microfiche, and tons of documents appear to go missing every year. So instead of asking for information, they employ Sherrifs Officers at great expense, who then get a flea in their ear from me, and a copy of the correspondance.
The other one is even better. Our present offices were 3 derelict buildings. There were 3 entries in the valuation roll. For reasons noone has ever been able to fathom, the Council then made three further entries in relation to the properties, once two out of the three were redeveloped. This has been pointed out to them about 10 times over the past few years. They STILL send the Sherrifs Officers for the SAME, NON-EXISTANT property on a regular basis. Every time it is sorted out ( our time, effort etc, not theirs) we get a call telling us it is now all sorted. Two months later we have to do it all over again.
AARRRGGGHHHH!!!

Sunday Lunch

I've always been a fan of lunchtime lunches and conversation. I especially like Sunday lunch, so we frequently ask people to come and partake food and wine with us, sitting properly at a table and having a REAL conversation.
Yesterday was no exception. Mr and Mrs Die Casting came, and Cousin Carole was still with us. We had a super lunch. As you know, I don't drink in this country, but I get quite as excited as those who do.
What did exercise our brains, though, was the present position of Miss Die Casting and her young man, referred to in her family as " German Dave".
They have been going out together for nigh on 3 years. However, the total time spent together is minimal, as German Dave works in Germany ( 5 star travelling life style) and Miss D C lives near Glasgow. GD ( whose mother is German and father Croatian) arrives late Friday night about 3 weekends a month and disappears again Sunday morning. Yesterday was no exception. Miss DC was is and continues to be extremely upset by this. There is no end in sight. Mr & Mrs DC think German Dave is a bit of a gold-digger. They admitted if he was a merchant banker earning £2million a year, living in Glasgow or London, they would not be too worried, but Mr.DC ( extremely rich) gets very defensive when German Dave's credit card won't clear.
So what to do? Clearly Miss DC moving to Germany is no solution as GD travels all week anyway. So should Mr.DC offer GD a job? But it appears GD is a bit of a rolling stone and does not want to change what he does. The real problem is the complete lack of any endgame. It'll simply go on like this forever.
The general consensus was that Mr.DC should have words with German Dave along the lines of " I'll cut her off without a penny" and see what happens.
I accept this is not up there as problems go with Darfur or Arab-Israeli conflict, but it is having a serious effect on one family.
Anyone any suggestions??

Where is Tapestry Talks? And who isn't a grass?

Tapestry Talks is one of the people I used to check on every day. He has not posted since January 9th. I check back occassionally, but nothing. He is an interesting chap. I ran across this today when I was checking back to see if I was doing anything wrong ( it's only part of the piece, I suggest you read all of it)

Cameron And The End Of The EU

Cameron seems able to swing people behind him when he meets them face to face. That's a great skill. He appears to be offering nothing in terms of favours in return for support as he wins backers in the media and elsewhere.
Blair managed to get all behind him but only by agreeing to everything his targets requested. To the EU he promised the Euro. To Bush he promised unconditional support for the Iraq War. To others he promised all kinds of things most of which he failed to deliver - e.g PR to Paddy Ashdown.
Being tradeable for favours, in particular made Blair the all time favourite for Rupert Murdoch. According to Lance Price, Murdoch has more or less controlled Britain's relations with the EU 'under' Blair.
It is pleasing that Murdoch is finding Cameron less of a sucker, and Murdoch is having to learn respect for Cameron, even if that means he is taking the occasional pot shot at him to see if he can bowl him over. Murdoch must be beginning to realise that taking pot shots at Cameron could soon become a highly counterproductive strategy in terms of hanging on to all his media/sports privileges.
Power could swing quickly back to Westminster under a new Conservatiove government with the EU reaching a period of less certainty as to how to stabilise let alone progress.
Murdoch has seen the light about Gordon Brown. Only Paul Dacre is getting that one completely wrong still. He will have to retract on that front or look pretty foolish before long, with the Brown/EU era of big government/centralisation about to crack, and power about to swing back the other way. Cameron is the vanguard.

What's particularly interesting about this is that it shows just how unprincipled this Government is. As I have said before, it is the first Government in the UK that has absolutely no guiding principles, apart from getting into power, and retaining it. Virtually every policy heralded in 1997 and since has been reversed. It shows how venal Bliar is, and how lacking in understanding of true political ability. Anyone can gather support by promising all things to all men. But to get support without actually promising anything is a sign of true political nous.
Oh, and by the way, the ONE person who did NOT grass, sneak, peach, or clype at school was David Cameron. Bliar would be unable to claim the same thing.

Danny and NuLabour

You may recall the campaign Praguetory ran about Danny Dewsbury the film maker and his work for NuLabour. I understand it is coming back to haunt the Party in no uncertain fashion, despite the fact that he finally got paid, about 5 months after he had done the work.

Cousin Carole

We have my ( older) cousin Carole staying for the weekend. She is a delightful person, full of chat, who sadly lost her husband some months ago and her 93 year old father ( qv Uncle Willie has died) within the last two months.
The really nice thing is we are chatting about things from our childhood, and about our other cousins. One forgets so much from what , in our case, was a magical time, filled with fun, sun and love. I accept we lived in a privileged atmosphere, but I know many others from the same era, without the privilege, who equally enjoyed the time.
I believe that the reason it was enjoyable was the lack of reponsibility. It's wonderful to know if you scrape a knee somebody will wash it and bandage it ( not forgetting the Dettol -ouch!), call you in to eat at appropriate times, put your clothes out and make sure you change your knickers. Nowadays, of course, we are all too concerned with Bird Flu and Global warming to have time for fun. No wonder so many of Britain's town centres are no go areas at night with young people completely out of their skulls - they are drinking to forget.
Actually, putting the clothes out has a thread running up to the present day. I am not noted for my dress sense . I had my first pair of long trousers at 12, brown cords, bought in Jenners, and I haven't progressed much since. I am also slightly colour blind and therefore have no real idea of what goes together. Mrs. Lear despairs of me. She recently upbraided me with the line " Honestly, you dress so badly, I expect your mother put your clothes out for you when you were a little boy!"
At my somewhat sheepish look, she sighed deeply, gathered some alternative clothes and put them on my chair. She wandered off muttering to herself " It's true, men are just little boys at heart."

Frank the Car

AKA The Undertaker collects rents for me in the East End of Glasgow. I hasten to add he is called The Undertaker because he is somewhat eccentric, wearing a top hat and driving an old hearse. He is known as Frank the Car because he fixes cars that are not working.
Anyway, Frank collects the rents because he is a tenant of mine within a small industrial complex, and he collects everyone's rents and then delivers them to me. He gets paid a small amount for doing this.
The reason he does it, however, is not for monetary gain. It is because Frank LOVES talking to people. He doesn't sleep well, and frequently toddles into one or other of the Glasgow police stations for a chat at 3 or 4 in the morning. I often get a text from him at midnight, telling me some extraordinary tale. I am reminded of Terry Pratchett's Ankh Morpork city with denizens of the night lurking in the shadows.
What I hadn't realized was that Frank is actually following in the traditions of some Indian beggar caste that bothers people for money. There was an article recently in Private Eye about how the Indian tax people had hired the beggars to collect tax from recalcitrant payers. They were so succesful that they only needed to do it for about a week, and over 90% of the outstanding taxes were ingathered - with the rest promised within a further week.
Frank clearly works on the same principle. He starts talking to the tenants about 72 hours before the rents are due, and doesn't stop until they give him the money. Frank always turns up on our doorstep at least 24 hours before the cash is due - with the money.
So spare a thought for those unfortunates who have to cough up - the pen may be mightier than the sword, but the tongue is mightier than your willpower. As one tenant put it to me " He does my head in"

Manners

When I was a wee boy, I was made to say please and thank you, and may I get down from the table ,please.
I was reminded yesterday about how nice manners are. I was in London and had a meeting with a Romanian lady and one of our lady aristocrats. Politeness was everywhere. Doors were opened and ladies were ushered through. Gentlemen stood up when ladies entered the room. Graciously, the ladies said " Please don't get up" but of course we did. The discussion was friendly, people's opinions were deferred to, and a sensible path forward was agreed by all concerned. People had put their own ambitions and agendas on hold, in the interests of making progress that all could buy into.
How different from a meeting I had this morning when everyone appeared to be only interested in ripping each other's throats out. Individual agendas and demands were jabbed in your eye. At the end of an hour, nothing had been agreed as everyone stood on their points of principle. Complete waste of time, and noone even attempted a please or thank you, even when passing the milk.
We've lost so much from our everyday lives, with people being told they have "rights" and how to get them. What happend to responsibilities? Parents assault teachers for reprimanding young louts.Householders are charged for defending their homes. Crime appears to be lessening because pople don't bother to report it any more. They probably feel they would end up in jail for assaulting the counsellers who the police would foist on them. We all have to work extra hours because the cost of living rises inexorably, despite what our Government likes to think. The knock-on effects on our society are already beginning to come home to roost, and I can only say that I am gladthat I will probably only have to put up with it for a shorter time than most.

The dog

I have a very winsome Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, who is, in Kennel Club parlance, a Black and Tan. He is now about 3 years old. Having had previous experience of these dogs, until they are 5, they only have about half a brain cell. After they are 5, their brain capacity doubles. Still only 1 whole brain cell, but marginally better.
Anyway, one of the daughters ( actually, they are not like Regan, Goneral and Cordelia so I can't really refer to them as such) has a very beautiful and upmarket Burmese cat, who occasionally comes to stay with us. She ( the cat) hates everything apart from herself, and certainly regards our small dog as completely beneath her. She terrifies him, and all he wants to do is be friends. The cat's owner tells me she thinks my dog is stupid. I don't think he is, but I am prepared to revise my opinion.
In essence, I have been reading all about the disadvantaged children and how Bliar and his lot have closed lots of the schools that used to help challenged children. If there was such a place for dogs, my daughter would probably have sent my dog there. He is an enormous coward ( like his owner) but, as I said at the beginning, extremely winsome, a bit like Hugh Grant with big brown eyes and floppy hair.
Imagine my distress when I discovered him this morning staring fixedly his water bowl. Then at his food bowl. Then at his water bowl.... you get the picture.
I have therefore somewhat revised my opinion of his brain power.
He is clearly dyslexic.

Marketing magazine

I have been reading the Marketing Magazine ( from the Chartered Institute of Marketing). The theme was marketing using a story to make the brand stick in people's minds, but there were two quotes which jumped out at me.
The first was: "A tale, however slight, illuminates truth". Absolutely right.
The second: " Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it" Absolutely right again. In case you haven't guessed, the stories connected with Iraq and cash for peerages are those that will stick in the public's mind long after Bliar is gone.
What struck me was that these two are ultimately linked. History famously never repeats itself, but it gives a pretty good approximation. And if you haven't learned from your experiences and from mistakes, God help you.
So just now, as Bliar contemplates the ashes of his premiership and the imminent charging of at least three of his closest allies, I hope he spares a thought for Tricky Dickie Nixon, who, if he had stood up and said, " Yes I knew about it, but it was wrong" might have got away with it. Similarly, if Bliar had said on day one, " Yes, we took the money, and yes they expected to get peerages in the fullness of time - what do you expect, we had an election to win." - all this might have blown over.
Bliar, of course, would never listen to his Ancient History - " Those whom the Gods love, the Gods destroy".

The Next General Election

Everyone is postulating a hung Parliament this morning, and what might the Lid Dems do.The short answer is I have no idea, but I do know it won't be a hung parliament.
My reason for saying this is simple. All the calculations "guessing" seat numbers ( Baxter et al) do NOT take into account Scotland and Wales as quite different calculations - at least, as far as I know. If you know different, please tell me.
My point is that the number of seats held by Labour in these two countires is not going to be significantly different - lots of extra Labour votes will effectively go to waste as they already have and will keep the seats. But the perrenial middle classes in England will vote massively against NuLabour. So in reality, the 6%Tory lead gap is probably minus 5% in Scotland and Wales but plus 11% in England. This will have profound constitutional implications in the future. As I have said , Old Labour will be back merged into the LibDems in the future, or completely out of touch as they were in the 80's

October 2006 Blog

For some reason, having migrated to New Blogger, the first post that came up was from October last year, and referred to Bliar mentioning only a few hundred NHS redundancies. The Tories had suggested 20,000, which I felt might be OTT.
Now we know the truth. It's 37,000 or thereby. So now you see where Bliar has absolutely no connection to reality.

Told you

NOW today etc etc. Told you someone would turn Queen's Evidence.Told you there would be charges. Told you the Labour Party will take a generation to recover. Told you Brown was a dead duck from day one. Told you they had no principle of any description which is why they have achieved nothing apart from ruining everything.
The next thing will be that NuLabour as such will disappear, and Old Renewed Labour will be back - and out of power forever. The next Government after however many Conservative years will not be Labour. It will be the successor to the Lib Dems as they move further left.

Old England

You may wonder what I am doing blogging on a Saturday, but I am waiting for someone to turn up. I am in London at the Destinations Travel Show today, and I am here for free.
What happened was that as I walked into the main concourse of Earl's Court, a diminutive lady and even more diminutive gentleman approached me.
"Are you going to pay to get into the show?" asked the lady. When I said yes, she promptly gave me a free entry pass. Needless to say I thanked her and we got chatting. Her husband had worked all his life as a shop floor worker somewhere around London. They had raised two children, one now a lawyer the other a nurse. " Made sure they knew what was what and how to mind their Ps and Qs, and they worked hard at University - very proud of them, me and Derek".
They had bought their council house as soon as they were allowed to. " We had the cash, you know, my Derek was always a saver" - Nod from Derek. What were they looking for at the show? " Well, it's mostly a day out," says Daisy ( we were by now on first name terms) " But we used to go to Southend, and I miss it - only been to Spain otherwise."
I asked them if they thought they might be going overseas this year. " Quite fancied a cruise," said Derek. They asked me what I was doing,and I explained I was checking out the show for a possible stand next year. " OOh, you want to do that! Lots of rich people here every year we've been. Ain't that right Derek?" Nod. By now we were inside the show, and I fancied a coffee, so I asked them if they would like one.
"Oh no thank you, dear, FAR too expensive in 'ere. Have one out of my flask" produced out of a bag a bit like Mary Poppins's.
So there I stood, head and shoulders above Daisy and Derek physically, drinking their coffee, and feeling utterly utterly beneath them.
I don't care what politicians say or do, I just want them to remember that they are put there by people like Daisy and Derek.

" My Party is behind me"

Yes it is - pushing

Bliar and Humphrys

I listened with some scepticism to this interview on Radio 4 this morning. Nothing's wrong, the paper's have written a lot of stuff which isn't true, I will answer questions after it's all over, I'm really busy, crime is down, NHS is doing really well, I'm still a pretty straight kind of a guy... yech!! But the man's a genius. There must be many people who still believe in him, and in many ways all he says is true.
I've said it before, if he had only lived up to 10% of the potential he held sway over in 1997, we would all be better off, and happier, healthier and safer.
Unfortunately, NuLabour and Bliar must be the first set of politicians who actually have no basic tenets or principles - apart from getting into power and keeping it. Don't forget he actively courted the LibDems before the 1997 election, just so he could be absolutely certain that if Parliament was hung, he could count on them. Even that looked good to the then electorate. - statesmanlike. Of course, the minute he had his own majority, Paddy Pantsdown never even had his calls returned.
The Tories and Cameron are incredibly lucky that Bliar has behaved as he has. Once in a generation there is a seismic political shift, and this is one.
Don't for one second imagine Brown didn't know anything about the loans. He definitely asked. Of course he did. He's a control freak.His williness meant he didn't write it down, or had anyone else there to hear the answer. A Problem? McCavity's not there.
As light relief, another of the sexual moans from the Vagina Monologues, for a CHAV: " Hmmmmmm - ahhhhhh - oooh... AAAAGH... hang on a minute, I've a text coming in"

Me

You are:Objective, honest, and credible.Intellectually curious, with many diverse interests.More inclined toward ideas than people.Fiercely independent and unapologetically unconventional .
I did some sort of quiz and this is what came out. Not sure I agree entirely, but it certainly gave me a warm feeling.

P***ing on your own

I must say I never thought I would be mentioning " down there" on this blog, seeing as I am somewhat squirmy in relation to blood, women's troubles etc etc, but last night I was taken by Mrs. Lear and her friend, Mrs. Radio Executive, to see the Vagina Monologues.
The three actresses included Carol Smillie, she of the Dancing and Makeover fame. I laughed and laughed, with that slightly nervous, slightly embarassed edge at most of it, but there were one or two one liners that had me in hysterics. One was a reference to " not your ordinary minge, this is your M & S minge". The other was the description of the Wee Free sexual moan - consisting of a face like thunder, arms and legs crossed, and dead silence. In case you don't know, Wee Frees are a peculiarly intransigent Scottish offshoot of the most Knoxian , dour religious believers. One of the previous Chief Justices, whose name I think was Maclean of Clashfern, was a Wee Free. He attended the funeral of a lifelong friend of his, who happened to be Catholic. He was instantly prevented from attending any further of his Church's services. Forever.
Anyway, this is all a bit of a preamble. There I was, one of 5 men amongst about 1,000 women, and after the interval and the interval drink, I needed to go to the loo.
As you can imagine, there were lines of women for the ladies. I walked confidently to the gents, expecting no problems.
Except the theatre had decided in view of the number of females, they should be allowed to use the gents as well.
Fortunately, they had a (male) member of staff on duty, and when I suggested that not only was I in need but also probably quicker at it than the ladies, he promptly cleared the room, and left me there. Alone.
After this experience, I actually found it quite difficult to pass very much, especially as there was a sort of growl coming from the other side of the door. I hurriedly washed my hands and came out to find the usher, arms outspread, preventing my modesty being undermined. I then had to walk past about 100 extremely scowly ladies who would gladly have skewered me if given the chance. I hurried back to my companions for protection, and the show continued.
The point of all this is that people are always talking about a group of teenagers advancing towards one as being "scary". Believe me, that is as nothing to the feeling of 1000 women staring at you silently.
As a schoolboy, we used to be taken by the school to Stratford to absorb Shakespeare every term. The head of the English department said the same thing every time.
" Individually, you may be quite charming, but en masse you are revolting."
Too right.

Sith,Spin & Sin

I'm sure everyone has caught up with Brown, Smith Institute, Charity Commission etc etc, better known by Guido as the Sith.
I have been looking back at a few things and read the following quote. Compare and contrast as they used to say:
" New Labour is a party of ideas and ideals ( really?) but not outdated technology ( er their email system at No.10 and their general IT savyness leaves a lot to be desired) What counts is what works ( Eh??) The objectives are radical ( destruction of the United Kingdom, the constitution, the legal system, etc etc) The means will be modern" ( screw the voters for as much as possible but by stealth)
This was from their 1997 manifesto. Don't imagine for one minute you didn't go for it. Middle England ( and all of Scotland) fell for it hook line and sinker. What was different about Bliar and Brown was that always before, politicians and political parties believed in something at their core, and got elected to bring that belief to fruition. NuLabour was quite different. Admittedly old Labour could never be elected, so they had to start from the premise that there were NO shibboleths, and their sole raison d'etre was to be elected.
Now we see the end result. Because their is no " soul" to NuLabour ( which there clearly was in Old Labour) there is nothing there - a vacuum.
The appalling thing is we will all be paying for it ( not only in cash) for years to come.

Roundup and Pan's Labyrinth

Yes this is what the police are doing with Levy, Turner et al. They are, as the saying goes, getting their ducks in a row. There WILL be charges. Bliar will get off scot-free. Others will end up inside.
On a more important point, I have been castigated for using the word " nice" in relation to one of my daughter's boyfriends.
At least, I think so - it came as an email with just the word " Nice?" - so maybe it was congratulating me on my perspicacity. Mind you, simply calling them boyfriends is probably not allowed any more.
BAFTA was showing Pan's Labyrinth last night. An excellent film, original and thought provoking, but with a real-life sad ending, or maybe that should be a fairy tale happy ending. The performances were good, but I am continually astonished at film characters leaving alive people who should manifestly be killed when you have the chance. Mercedes the housekeeper stabs the Captain in the back. Then in the right shoulder. Then cust his face in two and says " Touch the girl and I will kill you - I have gutted many a pig."
So why didn't she stab him in the stomache? Or under the ribs? Then he wouldn't have been able to do much about anything, would he? I suppose one has to assume it's for the dramatic effect of the story.
Earlier on, the girl eats two grapes she was not supposed to and awakens an ogre. Mind you, she had been told, both verbally and in writing, AND by the fairies not to. But she did it anyway. How annoying is that?
I always say I don't mind a mistake, but I get cross with stupidity - we all make mistakes, after all. So I am particularly fed up with the cash for peerages thing and the cover-up. It's utterly stupid.All they needed to do was sacrifice one low level person and it would all have gone away. Now the Labour Party will be destroyed for a generation. I'm not necessarily sad about that, but we do need them for Democracy to work.
Or maybe this truly will be the end - a rump of Old Labour and yet another party amalgamation of LibDem and NuLabour.
Terrifying thought.

sLIGHTLY StARnGE

Simply an observation. Whenever I read a blog, I click on the " next blog" icon before going to something else. Believe me, the header to this one is nothing LIKE as weird as some of the stuff I have come across.

British Justice

Mrs. Lear has been sitting as a juror for the last few days in the hight court in Glasgow. The case revolved around demanding money with menaces in the " security " industry. As in, if you don't give us the contract we will a) smash your face in and b) destroy the premises. Of course, the accused are far too smart to do it that way. What they actually do is turn up at the building site, present a very snappy brochure with quotes from "satisfied" customers, and suggest it would be worth employing them. Nothing else needs to be said. After all, if you find stuff nicked and destroyed three nights on the trot and the chap turns up again expressing astonishment at your problem,it's clearly your own fault if you don't get the message.
What galls me enormously - and this runs right through the Crown Prosecution Service, the Police and Prosecuting Counsel - is the belief these people have that simply saying " You did it" is enough to convict. In the scenario above, no crime has been committed - the terribly polite large gentlemen are merely trying to help you. As a result there are lots of prosecutions which are brought largely because the Police etc want to be seen to be doing something, and giving the toe-rags a fright. Of course, it has exactly the opposite effect. After you've been up two or three times and had the cases thrown out of court, you don't worry too much. And there's no place for you in prison anyway.
Mrs. Lear has been assuring me since Friday that the case would last 2 to 3 weeks. I predicted it would be dismissed by tomorrow. I was wrong by a day, and most of yesterday and the hour or so this morning was taken up with legal arguement, so the jurors had little to do at all.
Of course, if you are a law abiding citizen, that is a completely different matter. Driving offences by their very nature have a 100% clear-up rate. Don't pay your council tax and see how long it takes them to bang you up. Defend yourself against people who come into your house in the middle of the night uninvited, or prevent some poor soul from getting attacked in the street, and you will very quickly find your collar felt.
It's time there was a root and branch change in our law and order situation, and I can guarantee you John The Bruiser Reid won't do anything apart from spew out more meaningless platitudes and laws which will be unenforceable.
Let's have fewer, properly enforceable laws. Let's have ctrimes properly investigated, with properly documented evidence, properly prosecuted ( most prosecuting counsel don't even get to see the evidence until a day or so before the trial) and properly sentenced.
Oh, and by the way, police numbers have just fallen.

My three girls...

There are going to be repurcussions from this blog, but I don't mind.
When I was courting my first and only wife, her father had a ditty which he liked to pronounce from time to time. " My two girls are a couple of pearls, no father could wish for more. But where will I find a couple of swine, to cast my pearls before?"
Now I have three daughters, and I have always said to them that what matters is that HE loves YOU, because eveything will always then be OK. Very occasionally, it works the other way as well, and then things are as perfect as being married actually is ( give or take the odd row). Rather later, I suspect, than most father's have had to deal with it, two out of three of my girls now have boyfriends who I have met. You can tell I'm a dinosaur, can't you? I may say Mrs. Lear also says that my children are terrified to bring any boys to meet me as I am an ogre who eats people. This is manifestly untrue. I only eat them if I don't like them.
Anyway, the two young men in question are extremely nice. I know that's a horrible word, but it is the correct one in this instance. They are both highly intelligent, polite, have a good sense of humour, and put up with me. One who came to lunch yesterday needed to leave at 3pm but was too polite to say so, and therefore didn't leave until nearly 4.
Now for the bit that's going to cause the problems. I am not PC. I believe children should say please and thank you and sit down at regular mealtimes with their parents. They should speak at table and converse. They should learn to read, write and do mental arithmetic, and their parents should help them to these abilities. Teachers are only there to reinforce the lessons from home.
My point is that my girls have clearly found young men who have been brought up in the same way, and with the same good results. It gives me enormous hope for the future.
But I will refuse to pay for lavish weddings, because I believe the money is better spent as a deposit on a house. My girls are earning their own money. They can afford a modest wedding if they so wish. I believe the present mania for large weddings, stag weekends away etc, actually is an effort to show a phony love, which is ultimately doomed to failure. I really really object to the wedding presents I have given going to the other side, as has happened when several of our friend's children have been divorced. And I object even more to having to cough up for a second wedding wedding present. Or in one case a third.
But what I AM pleased about is that the two girls are happy. No father could ever, ever wish for more.

Tete a Tete

I've just finished reading this book, written by Hazel Rowley, about the "Lives and loves" of Simone de Beauvoir & Jean Paul Sartre.
Pretty much all of it is known already, and her writing style leaves me cold - she is forever putting in bits which are unconnected. " Then Sartre slept with X . His play was the sensation of the year, and Beauvoir wrote a letter to Y." Eh?
Anyway, the thing that struck me forcibly was that - although both of them wrote beautifully ( read Beauvoir's diaries) Sartre was the most appalling person. He is continually lauded for being amusing and fun ( despite being mostly drunk and drugged from what I can see) and enormously generous, but his idea of humanity was non-existent. I suppose as an "Existentialist" that was what he intended. He clearly derived some thrill from being a complete control freak, although Beauvoir chose to believe he was " faithful intellectually" to her always.
Beauvoir emerges with much more credit that Sartre, but she was clearly complicit in his subterfuges.
Maybe there is not such thing as an honest man. Maybe being brilliant leads one to have a different kind of morality to the rest of us. Tony Bliar clearly operates on this principle, and I can think of one or two others who do as well.
Spelled slightly differently ( Tete a Tate) there was an Edinburgh radio show of the same name by a guy called Tate. I only ever came across it once, when I took Stephen Donaldson, author of The Illearth Trilogy ( then sextuplet, nonuplet etc etc) to be interviewed a la Desert Island Discs. Tate was a terribly nice man who liked a drink. His questions tended to be short and interesting, Donaldson's answer long and boring. After about 2o minutes, I noticed Tate had dropped off. Donaldson didn't. After about 10 more minutes Tate woke up with a start and said, very loudly, " Bugger me". The entire control room dissolved in laughter.The recording was stopped and a whisky was passed in to the recording studio. It got going again a few minutes later, but didn't last very long.
As the protagonists came out, Tate muttered to the director " Did I miss anything?"
" No" came the reply" Nothing we're going to broadcast anyway."

PS

Who used lies to order the invasion of a foreign country?
That's too easy - Hitler regarding Polish attacks at Gleiwicz and Bliar on WMD in Iraq.
No similarities there then.

Which is which? Part ?

Who passed a law - I've put that slightly incorrectly - issued a decree - against " Malicious attacks against the national community" and gave powers to the police " to protect our nationals from potential offenders".
In case you have not been following this general idea, there are enormous similarities between the behaviour and actions of our own beloved leader and government and those of Hitler and the Nazi Party in 1930's Germany.
I'm not for one moment suggesting that the Bliar government is right wing and fascist. They wouldn't dream of incarcerating their citizens illegally ( well actually they would) so er.. Yes the above are quotes from Hitler's infamous enabling act.
But have a look at the wording and intent of the Terrorism act of 2006 - and remember it was against terrorists that Hitler was making laws. The enabling act was the act that allowed Hitler to rule by fiat.
We call it Orders in Council.

Romania

I'm just back, courtesy of Wizzair, and jolly good it was too.
I stayed in Sighisoara ( a world heritage site but there are lots in the immediate vicinity) which is a 5hr. train ride from Bucharest. Single first class £14, and bang on time with an excellent onboard restaurant - beer and schnitzel £4.50.
Anyway, I was there to look at the Saxon villages ( Prince Charles is helping the Mihai Eminescu Trust stop them disintegrating) and they are beautiful.
The people are lovely.
The cows in the street are lovely.
The pigs in the barns are lovely.
The food is delicious.
The wine and beer are delicious.
The chickens and sheep wandering all over the place are lovely.
The Mayors control everything - ie central government doesn't interfere with local matters AT ALL.
The weather was lovely.
I could go on but you would get terminally bored.
My point is eveything is 100% organic for miles around - they couldn't afford fertiliser other than excrement and don't intend to change.
And they really really want to keep it that way, and have lots of ecotourists who DON'T ruin it.
Being in the EU since January 1st. they are coming to terms with the wall of money that is already crashing through the country. My hope is the Mayors will control it, guide it and use it to best advantage.
I loved it.

Burns night & Feegles

I spent a most enjoyable evening at the Glasgow dinner for Scottish Spina Bifida last night.Somewhere in the region of £60,000 was raised, an excellent top table of speakers, and good friends abounded. Our table remained silent whilst the speeches were made, unlike some who continued to chatter. I put it down to basic BB-type ignorance.
One of the speakers cracked two jokes which I liked - they are almost certainly old.
The first was " Where would we be without laughter?" And the answer? " Edinburgh" Brought the house down in Glasgow as you can imagine.
The second was sexist and Aberdononist, so those of a nervous disposition look away now.
A young Aberdonian tells his Glasgow friend he is getting married in the highlands, and he is going to wear the kilt.
" What's the Tartan?" asks the Weegie.
" I thunk she's wearin' a wee bitty white dress,ken".
Just so you know, "ken" is not his name, but the Scots vernacular for " you know".
What struck me during the evening was that people still laugh at stereotypes, however much we say we are or have to be Politically Correct. There were at least half a dozen homophobic references, innumerable sexist, and a surprising number of sectarian. But they were all taken in good part, pace a complaint to the race relations board today.
And surely - to a degree - that is how it should be. We are all prejudiced about all sorts of things, and to deny it is to deny our very essence. I have a hobbyhorse which is that it's the quirk that makes the genius, and it's the prejudice that makes us behave as we do in all sorts of situations.
I'm presently reading one of Terry Pratchett's books about the Feegles. They are small blue creatures in kilts who inhabit Discworld. Pratchett maintains they are not Scots, but I defy you to tell the difference. They fight, drink, steal, lie, are ineffably not PC and are generally not too bright. One of the great lines is " Feegles can get oot of onywhere - except pubs of course."
But the point about them is they are utterly lovely. They are caring, family orientated, hard working creatures, with whom it is impossible to stay angry for any length of time.
Just like we really are.

On a different topic..

..I have spent some of the last few days at Olympia in London.
There have been two shows running. One the Daily Telegraph Adventure show. The other something called BETT, which is all about "Educational Technology".
Now call me cynical, but I couldn't help but think the latter might actually be mostly about various educational establishements and departments across the UK spending your and my money. After all, GB has promised even more mega billions ( obviously to no effect) to " Our schools and universities".
The adventure show was tucked into Olympia II. For those of you who don't know, this has three levels, and is about the size of a medium Tesco. And they had closed one level, so only two-thirds of a medium Tesco. All the exhibitors paid their way, as did all the people who visited the show, about 26,000 of them at £10 a time. Of their own after tax money.
BETT on the other hand was in the main show area, plus all the remaining ancillary space. Probably double a mega mega Tesco in size. Probably as many as 150,000 visited the show, not one of whom, I'm sure, actually paid the entry themselves. And for sure they would have been in hotels and restaurants spending our money. And buying lots of gizmos to improve " edukashun" when what is needed is good teachers, not teaching aids, however whizzy. What makes a good teacher? Someone who imparts a love of learning. Do that and all else follows.
My point, of course, is that there is not the slightest balance in our present society. Bliar and his minions, and all their council and neo-government appendages, have been given the key to the money box, and have comprehensively emptied it of OUR money. If you ain't in their ( extremely large) clique, you are well and truly screwed. They had the benefit, they deny it to others.
Don't believe a word of the hype - there ain't no magic bullet.

BB & the Union

Back to the grindstone again. I've been in London on business for a few days and saw Anthony and Cleopatra with Harriet Walters and Patrick Stewart. Staggeringly good production and acting in a play that has some of Shakespear's finest poetry. It's not particularly well know ( not like " To be" or " The quality of mercy") but in it's own way quite beautiful.
And the weather has simply got worse over the last week, we now have snow and wind as opposed to rain and wind.
However, the heading of this musing is "BB & the Union".
You may think there is little in common, but I would aver that there is. Despite the rantings from all parts about racism in BB, from what I have read, it rather sounds like good old fashioned playground jealousy. On the one side, relatively ugly, unintelligent boors, on the other beauty, brains and culture. It was ever thus. Your different from us so we hate you. Granted the difference may include colour, but I'm willing to bet if the beauty was a ladette they would all be pals together. Jealousy is apparently the second strongest emotion after what is called "flight & fear."
So maybe now you see the connection with the Union. The Scots are getting more than the English , and, let's be honest, Scotland has enormously better quality of life in most areas.
If NuLabour ( who have famously let the Genii out of the bottle with devolution) in the guise of Bliar want to secure TB's "legacy", all they need to do is stop Scottish & Welsh MPs voting on devolved matters at Westminster.
That, of course, won't happen, because that would be the end of Labour. But the Tories just might promise it in their manifesto.

Har Har

Oh, Gawd, it's back to the wind and rain.
But on the other hand I watched " In the Thick of it " last night. The feeling of dying days of an administration, the PERFECT Glaswegian insults delivered by Peter Capaldi and his sidekick, made me rock with glee.
And the namby pamby moronic MPs on both sides perfectly encapsulate why we the public - if we are still allowed to exist - don't trust ANY politicians.
I quite liked the Steve Hilton character - I don't know him personally, but I'm sure he is MUCH more intelligent that this - who, again, perfectly captured the NuTory ethos.
On a real note, it looks like the Tories have £20million or so to fight an election, with Labour in deep trouble financially. Watch out for Brown doing his best to smooze potential donors, which will be like watching a nail-biting rictus from Discworld trying to articulate. As the DT says, he has no conversation.
But then, I have said before elsewhere that I know someone who was on holiday with him years ago for 4 days. Brown took no part in any of the household chores ( shopping, cooking, washing up) nor did he do what such boors normally do as a contribution, which is to entertain everyone with witty repartee and sparkling conversation. He sat reading in silence most of the time, glowering and biting his nails for the remaining few minutes of his day.

Orders in Council

Iain Dale had a very good bit about the above, and the ( perrenial) government cockup.
So, OK, I'm getting a bit obsessed with this - BUT:
PART III.
Which government in a two year period handed out over 800 decrees but only enacted a total ( I think) of 22 laws passed by parliament?
Which government fabricated justification to invade another country? And whose leader then said - and here I paraphrase - " You can trust me with the fate of our country and people. If we don't invade, what would you say to me when we are being attacked?"
Which leader said quote " When I go through it all again, I am convinced that it has been given to me to lead our common cause (against our enemies) to a victorious end."
Which government abdicated it's belief in the consensus of a council of nations in order to pursue it's own ends?
Which Party Leader said " Wherever I am and wherever I go, whatever the outcome,I will be with you always"?
And finally for now, which deputy party leader said " The rational political view has prevailed"?
And tomorrow you can have part IV.

On a lighter note..

.. we have sunshine today and little or no wind. This may not necessarily sound like a cause for rejoicing, but to those of us in the West of Scotland, this is just about the first day in about three months that work outside could be continuous.
We can pour concrete!
We can clean gutters!
We can fix holes in roofs!
We can build walls!
Hallelujah!

Which is which? Part II

I'm sorry that was so easy. Here's the second part.
Which government used fear of internal revolution to abolish rights which were previously enshrined in law, sanctioned house and personal searches without due legal process, allowed wire-tapping,and arrest on mere suspicion of terrorism ?They then filled the prisons so much that army barracks, ships and police stations had to be used to accommodate the criminals.
Which government brought in laws abolishing centuries old rural practices, discriminating against certain categories of farmer?
Which government massively expanded employment in the state sector before it's second term elections, which we call gerrymandering, but which they call increasing public services?
And finally, this one is a bit more difficult: Which government hounded a senior civil servant to death when he departed from the party line and told the truth - then had an inquiry which exhonorated the government. I want both names please.

Which is which?

Just a little test.
The first government I'm talking about won power with about 25% of the electorate voting for them. It's first edict was that it would maintain the status quo. It's second was to downgrade the Upper House, dismissing most of it's sitting members. It then did away with the nation's chief legal officer and replaced him with a close friend of the head of government - who then said unless the lawyers toed the line they would not get any more funding from the state.
The second government won power with about 25% of the elctorate voting for them. It's first edict blah blah blah.... they would not get any more funding from the state.
Compare and contrast.

The Teddy Bears

Unless you are in Scotland the present spat about Walter Smith, the SFA and Rangers will not have bothered you too much. To many Scots, this is THE critical event of 2007 ( and so early in the year too).
Walter was an extremely succesful Rangers manager in the 90's who left for greater things - ending up as Scotland manager after the unlamented Bertie Vogts. I'm afraid I regard this position now as merely an old folk's home for worthy ex-footballers.
However, the one thing Walter would bring to the Teddy Bears is belief in the shirt. This - in case you don't know - is the thing all managers try to instill. Martin O'Neill has it, Alex Ferguson has it ( remember what he did with Aberdeen with no money), and Steven Gerrard has it, along with many others to a lesser or greater degree. LeGuen does not have it. Wee Eck had it, but lacked lots of other skills. It is perhaps the single most important factor in winning or losing a game of football, and makes the picked eleven play as a team - and substitutes slot in unselfishly to WIN. It applies in business and politics as well, and I hardly need say, Mrs.T had it, although I am more than unsure about the preasent government.
Glasgow, of course, is well known for its humour.
The present story doing the rounds is two Jimmys in a bar.
" I hear that Gordon Ramsay is going to be the 'Gers new manager" says one.
" What? says the other " because he used to play for them and can cook?"
" Naw - it's because he's got a great way with mince."
( For those who don't know, mince is Glasgow slang for a bloody load of rubbish."

Ya big jessie ye!

Nice piece about Marr interview and GB at the weekend on several blogs. A local Kircaldy man was quoted as saying he remembers our Gordo as a " a big jessie". Apart from the fact that I seem to recall the Gordo was a comic book monster in my youth, this expression is Scots for gay - cf a big girl's blouse which merely means "feart".
What I think this says is that he is NOT - as the West Wing would have it -" The real thing". And despite whatever we may now think, very large sections of British society in 1997 definitely thought TB WAS the Real Thing.
And what is the definition of THIS phrase. Well, Jed Bartlett admitted, on screen, he screwed up. Way to go!

Education again

For some reason I have been unable to read Cobbett Rides Again! over the last week or two.
Imagine my delight to pick up this gem today.
"Education goes forward to the past.The Telegraph is reporting that the most gifted pupils are to be given vouchers to enable them 'buy' additional tuition. Don't I recall a similar system which featured something called an 11+ exam and Grammar Schools in the bad old days before comprehensives. There are a couple of other innovative wheezes I've just this second thought up. How about apprenticeships where young people can learn practical skills on the job, and what about turning all those new universities into polytechnics and teaching science and engineering instead of psychology, social science and media studies. No, probably too revolutionary."
I couldn't agree more.

Scotland the What?

This used to be the name of quite a funny trio of Aberdonians, who were virtually incomprehensible to anyone south of Dundee.
However, the " what" above refers to what might happen after the May 3rd Scottish elections.
Best guess so far is 7 extra seats for SNP and 6 less for Labour. As an aside, I happen to know that Alex Salmond and the SNP bank with Clydesdale Bank, as I met him there the other day.
But what might happen? Well, the most interesting thing is the new party being launched by Archie Stirling - to be called Scottish Democracy by the looks of it. There is no doubt that many people want the Union to remain, and - the Scots actually being deeply conservative - any referendum would almost certainly vote to retain a near relation of the present situation ( we get more money than the English, and we are not turkeys voting for Christmas).
I always say we do not know we are born up here. We have nothing approaching a traffic jam, as long as you are not trying to cross the Kingston Bridge when Rangers are playing at Ibrox. We have three international airports within 30 minutes of Glasgow ( one of which is about 10 minutes from where I live). OK it rains a lot in the West, but the East is as dry as the South of England, and actually has more hours of sunshine. Add to that what is generally regarded as stunning scenary, world class sailing and outdoor pursuits etc etc, and lots of people ( especially from England) are prepared to take a huge drop in salary to lead a better life than being stuck on the M25.
My own view is that the Scots are actually playing this quite cannily. By telling pollsters that they are going to vote for the SNP, they are ensuring that NuLabour will throw scads of benefits and money at them before the elections. Then they will vote in a parliament that is effectively hung, and not much will get done for a few years, which, as every student of political philosophy knows, is the best way forward for any country.
I do know several people who - the minute the referendum result on the Scottish Parliamnent was known - sold up and left for Suffolk. Very much a laissez-faire county.
And lots of major businesses ( down from 108 to 52 at last count, 1997 - 2005) have moved their headquarters south, or been sold to English or foreign companies.
But at the end of the day, what do we ALL want?
Myself, I want to be left alone, be able to earn enough to live on, and enjoy myself when I want to.
Any politician who could deliver that would have it made.

5 things

Everybody with a blog is doing " 5 things you didn't know about me". Every time I tell my youngest daughter something about myself in my youth, she says I am lying , so here goes.
1. I used to play the trumpet quite well.
2. Whilst living in Germany as a boy, I won the USAAF open golf competition.
3. I also won the USAAF pistol AND rifle shooting competitions.
4. When I was sent home aged 12 with a line from school saying I needed glasses, my mother told me to behave myself.
5. I was embroiled in huge controversy at school, when I won a French prize whilst NOT doing French, and all the members of the French A level set went on strike, as they had been studying for the prize for 18 months.
My point about all this is that - despite the fact that I think of myself as cheerful, kind, caring etc - in reality I piss people off.
Especially the USAAF, who promptly banned me from entering ANY of their competitions.

Did I say under 40?

I have predicted the Lib Dems will be below 40 seats at the next election. The latest poll, whisked through some sophisticated box of tricks, actually puts them on a potential 14. Looks like Ming is NOT going to make it, but Tories should steer clear of giving him a push. And wait for the defections to come across to DC

Happy New Year!

Yes well I've been away, as all the people who read this blog will already know.
I had a lovely time, and just wanted to share three small things with you.
They were in a motorway service station in France.
There was a sign saying that they were responsible vendors and did NOT sell anything of more than 18% alcohol in their restaurant.
Next a lady sitting at the next table ( clearly taking pity on an old git) offered me a glass of her wine. Noone's ever done that anywhere before, and I certainly don't see me being offered a slug of somebody's cola in Newport Pagnall.
Finally - and compare with my view that grandparents' brain's immediately turn to mush at the first wail of the little one - a smart with it granny ( French) was looking after two small ones on the other side from the drinks lady. One of them dropped it's bottle which I picked up and returned to the lady.
She looked witheringly at the child and said " Grandmothers should NOT have to look after their grandchildren!"
No mush there then!