Thursday, July 29, 2010

I wanna tell you a stawy

I finally have a little time to tell you a stawy, as Max Bygraves used to say.

I have a friend who is Armenian by descent, but Iranian by birth, who is now about 46. Lets call him Mr.Notsonice

He lives in London. He has no money, he is ill with ME, and he stumbles around the Iranian ex-pat community.

About four weeks ago, a friend of his, the Ex-Ambassador I mentioned some time ago,appeared on his doorstep with a young ( as in 24 year old) girl in tow. Lets call her Miss Fancypants.

Now the story is that they had never met before and he had simply asked her to accompany him to see Mr.Notso, because she was nicely dressed. And smelled nice too. Can you imagine any girl in her right mind doing that?

That was a Thursday evening. They all went out and had a meal, and on Friday Mr. N and Miss F went out together on a date. They went back to his flat and three and a half weeks later she is still there.

What's odd about that, you may ask? Well, with the best will in the world, no female in her right mind would give Mr. Notso the time of day, let alone sleep with him. He admits to never having had sex without paying for it. All of a sudden Christmas has come every day of the week as far as he is concerned.

Miss F professes undying love for Mr. N. So much so that there is talk of wedding bells, parents being introduced and the like. And yes she has a British Passport and a job in a lawyers office before you ask if that's the motive.

She is supporting him, running around after him and generally not letting him lift a finger. Mr. Notso is wandering around looking as if he has been hit over the head with an extremely large hammer.

Now call me an old cynic ( I am) but this just cannot be 100% on the level. He's a friend of mine and even I don't like him quite a lot of the time.

To my mind there are two possible reasons.

1) She is being chased by a gang of international crooks and she is using Mr.Notso as a safe house.

2) She is a plant from the Iranian Secret Service trying to get inside the dissident Iranian community in London. She is much better looking than Mata Hari .

Either way, Mr. Notso may not have long to live.....

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

The love that jolly well ought to speak it's name.

I have been remiss, dear reader, in not keeping you up to date with the goings on in my realm. I have, perhaps uncharacteristically, been very busy with funerals and other matters, which have kept me away from a keyboard for a longish time.
I have a tale of intrigue and skullduggery to tell, but not the time to do it today.
For the moment, I just want to bring to your attention a new production of Romeo and Juliet.
What's interesting about that, you may say.
Well, it stars Michael Byrne and Sian Phillips. The former is 67.
The latter 77 - and perhaps best known for being married in the 60's to Peter O'Toole.

But my point is, this is ROMEO and JULIET. Surely a couple of wrinklies shouldn't be allowed to play two young lovers?

All I can say is I think it's a brilliant idea. Let's reinvent romance and find such a love in our waning years.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

How to handle the Taliban


1. There has been a report in the Media of a Gurkha soldier on active service in Afghanistan, who is reported to have decapitated a member of the Taliban.

2. The incident remains under investigation by ISAF authorities.

3. Any media enquiries regarding this incident should be referred to the MOD Press Desk on 020 7218 2661.

That'll make the blighters think twice before messing with the Gurkhas!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Our three lads.

From the MOD:

I regret to inform you that the following were killed in action on operations in Afghanistan on 12 Jul whilst serving with 1 RGR:

Major James Bowman RIFLES seconded to 1 RGR – Officer Commanding A Company. James was a bachelor, his parents live in Tidworth.

Lieutenant Neal Turkington RGR – Platoon Commander A Company. Neal was a bachelor, his parents live in NI.

Corporal Arjun Purja Pun RGR – A Coy. Corporal Arjun Purja Pun was a Battle Casualty Replacement detached from Sittang Company RMAS. He was married with a son and a daughter. His wife and children live in UK. His parents live in Nepal and will be informed through HQ British Gurkhas Nepal.

Next of Kin have been informed.

Even more sadly, James Bowman was known to me. His most recent communication told of his hugely rewarding times with the Gurkhas, that they had had some "crunchy" times in Afghanistan but thankully were on top and staying there.
He had been invited to the GWT dinner in October at the New Club in Edinburgh, but had had to decline as he was to be on ops.

A Black Day

From Spean Bridge Hotel:
"We are very sad at the hotel to lose 3 of our friends today.Our flag is now half-mast. Please convey our sorrow. We are thinking of you. All keep safe. We send our love to you all..Commando bar and all staff"

Friday, July 02, 2010

Another day another hill

Well we've made it to Friday so only 2 more Munro's - Lochnagar which weirdly is a mountain - and Mount Keen.
Wednesday was the most glorious day and I accompanied the boys up the hill. When we got back down I had to reach for the moisturiser for my arms and face.Wednesday night was also the reception in Kingussie, where lots of RBLs from eg Nairn and Granton on Spey came and presented us with cheques, our piper played and we were also enjoined to dance Nepali dances to the Mardle drum rhythm. I also had the most extraordinary conversation with a perfectly nice looking chap, who clearly decided he needed to tell me all about a) his sex life and b) his likes and dislikes about the size and shape of the various parts of the female body.Fortunately I was rescued as he was working his way down...
One of the RBL Chairmen just happens to be a piper and a piping judge, and he also obliged with a few tunes which brought everyone to their feet.
Thursday as ever was the longest day and characterised by wind and rain.Tea was very required as they came in about an hour earlier than anticipated. My view is this group are even fitter and more determined than their forerunners, making quite sure their times are noted, so that next year's lot will find it hard to beat.
We stayed last night at The Inver Hotel at Crathie, where Susan always makes us most welcome and gives us free food and on this occasion accommodation as well.
One of the interesting pieces of information I have gleaned this time is about "khud" races.
In the old days, the army always posted pickets on the top of the hills around where it was marching or bivouacking, so that they would not be subject to a surprise attack.
Of course, the poor pickets had to run for their lives as they were withdrawn, and as the Gurkhas were the best mountain runners, they always got the job where speed and mountain craft were essential. The pathans used to hide in gullies trying to guess which way they would run, and obviously kill them if they could.
In general the Gurkhas won through, but on the second retreat from Kabul ( will we witness the next?) 35 Gurkhas died keeping what enemies they could away from the main force.
Tonight there is a reception in Banchory where we will be on parade to receive more cheques.