Fighting the Terrorists and dangerous dogs

This is a true story.
I have a friend with a famous name, which really is ( let's say) Winston Churchill.
He wanted a cheap pay as you go phone and popped into a shop in one of the not-quite-as-smart areas of London.
After some discussion, he gleaned that a) the phone was £20 b) he could have a simcard to top up c) he could give any name he liked d) he could give any address he liked and e)there were no identity checks.
Being a decent sort he handed over the £20, and gave his own name " Winston Churchill"
" Nah," said the vendor," Come off it mate, that's obviously fake."
" No really, it's my name"
" Piss off, think of another one."
" OK how about Mickey Mouse?"
" Now you're talking - that'll be mister M.Mouse. Address?"
" The Magic Kingdom,Westminster, London SW1 1 BF."
Vendor hands over phone and simcard.
As my friend left the shop he overheard the vendor say to his sidekick -" That's the fourth M.Mouse we've had this week...."
It'll be like the dangerous dogs thing, toothless.
Hm maybe that's not quite right but you get my point.
My dog, who is the friendliest fluffiest dude you could ever come across has been marked down by the youngest Ms Lear as in need of registration under the Dangerous Dogs act.
" After all, " she says," even quite sane people turn into simpering idiots in his presence - he clearly turns their brains to mush. Most dangerous."
PS
Can't help but think Disney will be suing for breach of copyright.

At the wedding ( Part 94)

Away in Yorkshire yesterday for the wedding of a relative, which took place in a church in Hull called Saint Charles Borromeo. I thought I was pretty good on Catholic Saints, but had never heard of him, so I have subsequently undertaken a little research.
However, at the wedding, I enquired of many of the people I spoke to who he was, and was met with complete ignorance. I eventually approached the Abbot who had taken the wedding service, and was told a little about him.
I said that he didn't seem to have accomplished a miracle, something which in his time would have been required.
" Ah, well, " said the Abbot," I would say he was a miracle of administration."
As ever more rubbish comes through the letter box, I can empathise with that.
What I wanted to tell you about was a tale told which pleased me no end.
A young(ish) officer was recently appointed adjutant to a rather fine regiment, and the first morning, his phone rang.
At the other end of the line was a very officious sounding lady who said that such and such a form hadn't been received, and really it was too bad, etc etc.
The Adj apologised and said that he had only arrived that morning, wasn't quite up to speed, but he would definitely sort it out asap.
The lady continued to harangue him, casting various nasturtiums about his abilities and remarking she was always getting that kind of B******t from jumped up penpushers, until eventually the Adj butted in.
" Look, I've just got here, I've just become a father, he's only 8 weeks old and I'm finding it really difficult!"
The voice softened somewhat, and started to sympathise.
" So what's his name? How heavy was he?"
" Oh he was very light, only about 2 lbs."
" Ah I can see you would be worried ( the voice was almost loving by now) - and what is his name?"
" Magic"
" Yes, I'm sure he is," said the lady even more solicitously, if that were possible. " But what's his name?"
" His name is Magic. " There was a silence.
" Are you going to baptise him with that name?"
" Well, I don't think the Church baptises Black Labradors....."
The outcome is they are now married and jointly looking after Black Magic..

Yes we can.

Mrs.Lear - who is fast approaching the end of the first year of her Eco-land management degree ( or whatever it is) and in about 2nd place in the class - is away on a field trip of sorts today, so I have the Dog with me.
Nothing very extraordinary in that you might say - but I have to tell you having him with me has a very positive effect on people.
A miserable electrician actually did what he was asked. A timber company actually said they would deliver when I wanted it ( after having to be forced not to give the dog sweeties). A parking attendant let me off when I said I had to let him out the car to spend a penny.
I related all this to middle Ms. Lear.
" Dog and me," I said," can get things done. Yes we can."
" Ah Dad," she said " Which one of you is Bob the Builder? Clearly the Dog is better at DIY than yourself."
That's her out the will then.....

It might be he needs a rescue of his own....

I'm sure the dog story helped Barack Obama become President Obama.
It's uplifting, it shows a caring parent and man.
It shows a man who can be trusted to deliberate.
Or does it? The above is certainly the way it played, but acting as Devil's advocate, I wonder?
For a start, it depended on his getting to be President. Aspiration is a good thing, but the time it's taking to get the dog rather gives the lie to any enthusiasm he has for it.
Secondly, his list of " musts" ( supposedly reached by family consensus - yeah right) include it being either a Labradoodle or a Portuguese Water Spaniel, both of which have non-allergenic coats.
But the other requirement is for it to be a rescue dog,
I 'm pretty sure that's the code for it ain't going to happen. People are very unlikely to dump what would need to be a pedigree dog on an animal shelter. I suppose it's possible one could get lost, but from my long experience of such dog owners they would rather cut off both their arms than lose their dog.
So over all, I have the feeling that this is the story of what his Presidency will be: Long on hope, high in aspiration,lofty in ideal but totally lacking in performance and result.....