I spent the afternoon in The Golden Jubilee hospital in Glasgow with a friend who was swallowing cameras and things.
The Golden Jubilee was originally built to do heart ops on rich Arabs, and the idea was that their retinue would stay in the hotel ( The Beardmore) beside it. Unfortunately, it never quite made it and ended up being sold to the NHS, where now it resides as a beacon of excellence and is in use as the " Ok send them to Jubilee and that'll get the waiting lists down" on a range of ills.
But my delight was in reading some of the magazines in the waiting room. Not just OK! and Hello! but things called Closer and Yours!
They were full of people of whom I had never heard. I'm beginning to understand those Judges who ask " What are the Beatles?"
One of them had a section entitled " Psychic counselling" which had me in stitches, although it was deeply sad in many ways.
The first letter was from a woman in Hounslow ( you'd need counselling right there) whose letter read: " My first marriage was one of convenience. The second broke up because he was an alcoholic. The third one said he would rather be drunk all day than be with me. Now I have met someone on the internet who I really like, but he is unsure of me. Do the stars predict happiness for me?" This from Claire, 32.
My friend decided that the best thing would be to leave the poor chap alone, but the " Psychic Counsellor" was able to say " Go with your feelings. But if he starts drinking, I think you should both go for counselling"
And at the bottom there were a variety of messages in reply to undisclosed letters.
" To Davie from Falkirk - Your Mum says she's sent the cat to you with a message."
The mind boggles.
PS. My friend was fine.