Wednesday, March 25, 2009

How to get into Heaven

Not everyone will appreciate this but it made me howl with laughter.

Four young men arrive at the Pearly Gates, and Peter says, " Ah, hello, you just need to answer a question and you'll be in."

So he asks the first one " Whats 2 and 2?"

" Hm, is it three -no -7 -no 6 - no could be 5- ah yes, its 4"

" Very good" says Peter " In you go" and asks the second young man the same question.

" Simple, its the square root of 16, or its cube root, depending on how you look at it"

" Well done, " says Peter as the young man enters the gates, and asks the third man the same question again.

" Hm well lets try 3, no so go for 5, and then we'll go for the middle - 4!"

" Super," says Peter, " Off you go", and he starts to ask the fourth young man the same question.

" Oh, forget all that old chap, no need to go into details, where's the party?"as he barges past Peter and through the gates.

" Ah fine fine," says a benign Peter complacently.

Michael had been watching this and said " Oy, what's all that about?"

" Well, " says Peter," That was 4 young men blown up in a snatch Landrover in Afghanistan, and I wanted to know what their divisions were."

" So how does asking them what 2 and 2 are help?"

" That's easy. The first one is infantry - takes them time to get there but get there they do -eventually. The second one's a sapper, too much information and largely irrelevant. The third's clearly a gunner ( brackets the answer and then gets spot on)"

" And what about the last one?"

" Oh well, he's clearly Cavalry. They're just such great fun."

It reminded me of when I was a small boy in Germany, and the Brits held ( and still hold) a Keil Week race.
The only slight draw back was that the boat that was detailed from an illustrious Cavalry regiment was on the wrong side of the Keil Canal, and would have to come through to take part in the race.
The Bonn Military Attache of the day was a great friend of my father's, as was Judge Bennett, who had been one of the Judges at Nuremburg. The news had circulated of the Cavalry's petit probleme.
The BMA and the Judge appeared at our rented-for-the-week house one day, both with shining eyes, and waggled their eyes whilst saying " We need you to come with us ." Wink wink, waggle waggle.
My father, never one to ask questions said was it all right if I came along.
" Not much for the boy to do, but I'm sure it'll be fine."
So off we set for the other end of the canal.
When we got there, a few yachts were jockeying for position to enter.
" Watch this" said the BMA.
There was a resounding crash, and one of the yachts ( which looked rather low in the water) came to a juddering halt. The BMA and the Judge were by now rubbing their hands and capering about, in a most un-judicious or military way.
There was a deal of hilarity on the yacht, which eventually turned round and came towards the jetty we were standing on.
It was the Cavalry yacht. They threw a line, which we secured.
" Well this is a fine kettle of fish" said the rather smart young man on the tiller.
" Looks like you've too much draught for the canal," said the BMA with glee.
" Damned shame. We'll have to lighten the boat."
At which point they started unloading crate after crate of champagne.
Once it was all off, the young officer took a leadership decision. "Well, its too late to go through now, we better settle here for the night. Fancy a glass?"
All agreed with alacrity, along with everyone else who happened by over the next few hours. I eventually went back to the car and slept, returning about 7am to a silent scene of devastation. The older members were still snoring, strewn about.The smart young officer of the day before, looking distinctly less smart, waved and said." Cast off old boy. Got another party to go to tonight on the other side..!"
And away they went.
Such great fun.

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