A Nose by any other name...

This evening's dinner table discussion centred , firstly, on the solidity of Mercedes built in the 80's compared to mid-range cars then, followed by the build quality being generally good in all cars now, to the colour of various cars - which for some reason appeared to be brown across a range of vehicles and people.
Two stories emerged. Mrs. Lear and her then boyfriend were persuaded to take little sister to the Drummond Safari Park. Boyfriend had just bought his FIRST NEW CAR!
So in they drove, past all the signs saying " No responsibility - at your own risk" and got about half way through when the monkeys started jumping around and onto the car.
Then there was a ripping sound. And then lots of ripping sounds.
The car was one of those extremely " in " vehicles of the time that had some vinyl over the roof. I'm not sure why, but it was probably to save on painting costs.
Anyway, as you will doubtless have guessed by now, the entire roof was completely stripped by the monkeys who clearly thought it was the funniest thing that they had ever done.
I strongly suspect that is why the boyfriend decided to make himself an ex.
The second involved myself as a newly-wed in a brown Allegro, driving home with Mrs. Lear beside me. The road had been dug up, and it was raining, and when I applied the brakes, the car did a little jump and crashed straight into the back of the Morris Minor in front.
The driver of the car leapt out and rushed up to me as I clambered out.
" My nose! My nose! You've broken my nose!"
Now apart from a whisky blender or a wine taster, I wasn't too sure about the necessity for having an unbroken nose, but I looked at him carefully.
Straight nose. No blood. Not squashed.
" Er, it looks ok to me."
" Not me you idiot!. My gnome's nose."
He had been transporting a garden gnome in the front seat of his car without it's seatbelt. When I crashed into him, it jerked forward and broke it's nose on the dashboard.
It was indeed a very sad looking gnome.
A new one cost me about £6 - but I'm quite sure the other driver conned me.
I'm sure he was taking it to be repaired.