Actually that's a complete lie, because I am in North West Scotland, and therefore I have no idea what it is like oop t'North, which is, I suppose, somewhere round Carlisle.
Ok it's a beautiful place - when you can see it through the mist and rain. In fact, where we are staying has been shown to us best in the ( pretty awful) film Loch Ness, with Ted Danson, and Joely Richardson being forced to speak in that peculiar accent that American film producers think is Scottish. The name of the place is Diabaig (pronounced Die Bayg ) which is where the film of Loch Ness was shot. Weird but true. Clearly Loch Ness was not quaint enough. The house we are staying in was not built when the film was shot, so there is a hole in the row of houses. They have also re-roofed the shed on the harbour wall - presumably with the profits from the film. And why anyone as fragrant as Joely Richardson could possibly fancy a wally like Ted Danson is beyond me. The best actors were actually the Sea Monsters, as made by Jim Henson et al, and the little girl, Isabel, who does not appear to have progressed anywhere. Probably because she actually is Scottish, and clearly unsuitable for a film about Scotland.In the film she has the " sight" as passed to her from her Grandmother.So actually she knew how it was all going to pan out in the first place without all the intervening bits. I've always thought having the sight was a bit of a blow - when you know how it all ends, what's the point?
The other film we have watched ( you probably get the drift now about how interesting it is up here) was " Leon" with the inestimable Jean Renoir and ( to my astonishment as I didn't click when I saw the film originally) Natalie Portman as the 12 year old girl. It is a really good film with good performances all round, even from Gary Oldman, of whom I have never been fond, but he has the dangerous awfulness required of the part.
I was paid possibly the greatest compliment of my life by the 17 year old Daughter of the House after the film was over.
" Thank you for making me watch it. It was great"
Surely there is hope for me yet.
Unless she was being sarcastic.